never play flip cup with pint glasses
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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