i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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