He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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