Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
