thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
