i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
