I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
