I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize