redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize