Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
