He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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