As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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