i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All the doctor said was why
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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