You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
