Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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