I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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