The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
