A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
