Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
