my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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