Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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