I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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