whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am puke
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
