The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The power of my boobs compel you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize