if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
