If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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