Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
