So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
