i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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