I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
