a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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