I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He passed out mid-signature
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
