I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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