If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
