My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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