I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
50% drunk capacity currently
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
