I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drunk is not a location!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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