i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
