don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
