so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
