well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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