you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
