she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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