He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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