Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
