so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
even my farts smell like vagina
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
