i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
