quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
