i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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