Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
