It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
did you just send me my own nude
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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