I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
