Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
