I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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