I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize