i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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