my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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