just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
