And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
