I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
