I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
