I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
