drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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