Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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