Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
