dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
