we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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