I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
