I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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