its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As shirtless as possible
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize