are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
