hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
