At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
