He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
